And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
