Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize