I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
