it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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