Cold hands, warm shart.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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