4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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