Princesses don't give blow jobs
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize