when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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