ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Randomize
