The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
