why didn't you poke me back
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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