He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
