areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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