Do you still have your period?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Randomize
