dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
