I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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