i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Semen is not good for contacts.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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