I'm eating all of the evidence.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
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