Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
