I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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