New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
