YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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