would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
