my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
