I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
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