Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
