He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
