so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
