Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
