just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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