Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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