My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
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