Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
