look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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