what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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