I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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