He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
