highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
