Umm I'm too high to move.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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