I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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