who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
