I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize