I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He better not be in your backpack
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
