yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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