I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
