I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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