You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize