he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
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