I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
