It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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