Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
