I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
