I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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