The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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