I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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