Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
