Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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