If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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