I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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