oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
