I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
