After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
