i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
