Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
