seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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