I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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