I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Randomize
