Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
God, I missed his penis.
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