You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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