At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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