You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Randomize
