I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
