Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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