I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
