So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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