Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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