You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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