Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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