puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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