angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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