I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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