Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
