You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize