Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
