Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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