Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
